one eye joe said:
...A lot of us suffer from PTSD...
Yes sir. And it isn't all from direct combat and I hope folks know that. PTSD can haunt folks for many reasons. I know I have it, though much to my wife's chagrin, I haven't gone in for it. I think it's a combination of things for me. The seemingly relentless SCUD alerts and the numerous SCUD attacks. The years of training, thinking, and living for high-stress situations, and for leading others into them. A few intense Hostage Negotiations incidents. Getting shot at. And more. I reckon it all just simmers together.
Like you, I hate crowds. Hell, sometimes more than a handful of people are too much for me and I have to get out of the room or whatever. But then, on the complete flip side, depending on my mood and the conditions I can be pretty relaxed. We went to a NASCAR Cup race in Las Vegas a few years ago and everyone was worried how I'd do with the crowd. But even with people pressed belly to backside on me, I didn't mind much at all. Maybe because they were "like me" I don't know. And you can surround me with my family and while the sharp sudden noises of the little ones knocking stuff down or what have you may start to get to me, I still love it.
I hate going to the store and as you said, I HATE driving. Not the act, but the people. My patience for people is pretty much absolute zero.
And, like you mentioned, I check the doors and on my girls every time I get up in the night and about a zillion times before I go to bed. And, more often than not I look out the windows, grab a drink of water, look out the windows again, check the doors again, and then go back to bed.
It's anxiety, which by definition is a fear of the unknown. While that might sound a bit strange, it's actually true, at least in my case. It's a fear of what's next, or of something beyond my control, or I'm not exactly sure what. But it wakes me from a dead sleep almost every night and I more often than not don't know exactly why. And yes, I do have nightmares. Mostly they are of a helpless feeling, like I can't act or do what needs doing or what have you. Not so much of memories. Those are day time thoughts that flutter in the back of mind.
My best friend was in a terrible shootout and he suffers from PTSD. All the same symptoms.
Anyway, I rambled enough. I just wanted to share my experiences because you had the courage to share yours. Thank you and even though I'm pretty new here, it makes me glad you felt you could share.
God Bless,
Erik