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Premium Member
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Discussion Starter #1
Here is a parody of Dr.Seuss written by a fellow that frequents a couple Archery sites I read on. He is our resident Poet and parody writer in this case showing the too often bickering of Trad Archers with their assorted styles of equipment and shooting styles ;D

The Archers
Now, the Star-Recurve Archers had recurves with stars.
The Plain-recurve Archers had none upon thars.
Those stars weren’t so big. They were really so small
you might think such a thing wouldn’t matter at all.
But, because they had stars, all the Star-Recurve Archers
would brag, “We’re the best of Trad Archery Archers.”

With their snoots in the air, they would sniff and they’d snort
“We’ll have nothing to do with the Plain-Recurve sort!”

And, whenever they met some, when they were out walking,
They’d hike right on past them without even talking.
When the Star-Recurve children went out to "aim small",
Could a Plain-Recurve get in the game? Not at all.

You only could play if your recurves had stars
and the Plain-Recurve children had none upon thars.
When the Star Recurve Archers had frankfurter roasts
Or picnics or shoot-offs or marshmallow toasts,

They never invited the Plain-Recurve Archers
They left them out cold, in the dark of the marshes.

They kept them away. Never let them come near.
And that’s how they treated them year after year.
Then ONE day, it seems while the Plain-Recurve Archers
Were moping and doping away from the targets,

Just sitting there wishing their recurves had stars,
A stranger zipped up in the strangest of cars!
“My friends”, he announced in a voice clear and clean,
“My name is Sylvester McTradcop McBean.

And I’ve heard of your troubles. I’ve heard you’re unhappy.
But I can fix that because I’m the Fix-It-Up Chappie.**
I’ve come here to help you. I have what you need.
And my prices are low. And I work with great speed.
And my work is one hundred per cent guaranteed!”
Then, quickly, Sylvester McTradcop McBean
put together a very peculiar machine.

And he said, “You want stars like a Star-Recurve leach?
My friends, you can have them for three dollars each!”
“Just pay me your money and hop right aboard!”
So they clambered inside. Then the big machine roared.

And it klonked. And it bonked. And it jerked. And it berked.
And it bopped them about. But the thing really worked!

When the Plain-Recurve Archers popped out, they had stars!
They actually did. They had stars upon thars!
Then they yelled at the ones who had stars from the start,
"We're exactly like you; you can't tell us apart.

We're all just the same now, you snooty old smarties.
Now we can come to your frankfurter parties!"
"Good grief!" groaned the one who had stars from the first.
"We're still the best Archers, and they are the worst.

But how in the world will we know," they all frowned,
"if which kind is what or the other way 'round?"
Then up stepped McBean with a very sly wink,
and he said, "Things are not quite as bad as you think.

You don't know who's who, that is perfectly true.
But come with me, friends, do you know what I'll do?

I'll make you again the best Archers on beaches,
and all it will cost you is ten dollars eaches.
“Recurve stars are no longer in style”, said McBean.
“What you need is a trip through my Star-Off Machine.

This wondrous contraption will take OFF your stars
So you won’t look like Archers that have them on thars.”

And that handy machine, working very precisely,
Removed all the stars from their recurves quite nicely. *

Then, with snoots in the air, they paraded about.
And they opened their beaks and they let out a shout,

“We know who is who! Now there isn’t a doubt.
The best kind of Archers are Archers without!”
Then, of course, those with stars got all frightfully mad.
To shoot a star recurve was frightfully bad.

Then, of course, old Sylvester McTradcop McBean
invited THEM into his Star-Off Machine.
And, of course from THEN on, as you probably guess,
Things really got into a horrible mess. *

All the rest of that day, by those poor empty targets,
The Fix-It-Up Tradcop kept fixing up Archers.

Off again! On again! In again! Out again!
Through the machines they raced round and about again,

Changing their stars every minute or two.
They kept paying money.* They kept running through.

Until neither the Plain nor the Star-Recurves knew
whether this one was that one or that one was this one.
*Or which one was what one or what one was who.
Then, when every last cent of their money was spent,
The Fix-It-Up Tradcop packed up. And he went.

And he laughed as he drove
in his car past the target,
“They never will learn.
No. You can’t teach trad archers!”
But McBean was quite wrong. I’m quite happy to say.
That the Archers got really quite smart on that day.

That day, all the Archers forgot about stars and whether
They had one, or not, upon thars.

Premium Member
3,049 Posts
That thar would apply to the compound boys to. ;D
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